Introverted…

Why are you  so quiet?
You’re too self conscious
Why are you too shy?
You’re too hard to talk to…
You seem depressed…
Did something happen to you?
Just speak a little more…

It only frustrates so much because the tone behind these statements and questions often seems judgemental. I don’t go around telling people they’re loud.

Growing up, everyone constantly told me to ‘get over it’, ‘speak a little louder’, ‘don’t be shy’… And these messages haven’t stopped in adulthood.
I felt like I was being told that my quiet way of life is not the right way to live. One of the risks of being quiet is that other people tend to fill your silence with their own interpretations and assumptions.

“You’re shy.
You’re depressed.
You’re antisocial… Well, my social battery is fragile.
You’re stuck up and judgemental.
You hate people…maybe it’s true.

I joke a lot  about how I don’t like people, but that’s not really it. I love people when they’re not being stupid or judgemental. I love that every person has their own story… I prefer listening. If comfortable around someone I’ll talk too, only to a certain extent…because, as unfortunate as it is, people don’t listen.

I am shy, I know. I’d rather endure a root canal than make a public speech. That bad. The saying ‘may the ground open and swallow me’ is literal to me. I have absolutely no desire to be the center of attention. I have a distinct inner voice that really haunts me, ” I can’t believe I said that stupid thing… Five years ago.”

Antisocial? Not really. My social battery is super fragile. I have an intense dislike for group talk, idle talk. I also have this overpowering urge to bolt away from crowds. But I’m convinced I’d be a really great teammate.

Depressed? No. Maybe. Sometimes. I have no problem being alone at home, neither do I have a problem going out and about, with or without friends when there’s something I’m really interested in. I enjoy spending time with people, but I find prolonged socializing draining.

I prefer living a quiet life in a world that can’t stop talking. I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy time with friends. Being introverted doesn’t mean rude, antisocial or judgmental. Introverts are people who just need more private space, and time for thoughts and analyzing.

Sometimes I want to be left alone.

Sometimes I want to be included.

Most times I want to be included with an option of being left alone. I am an introvert.